My heart raced as my mouse hovered over the "submit" button, a million and a half thoughts spinning in my head as a contemplated my fate:
How would I look? Would I like it? I hope I don't hate it. Am I ready for such a drastic change? Will I EVER be ready for this? What if I cry? How embarrassing. I'll probably cry. I better change the date to one that Trever is home that night so he can comfort me if I have a meltdown... Okay. That day will be better. Ugh, but that's two weeks out already. If I go too long I'll back out. Again. Why is this so hard? This is silly, it's not THAT big of a deal. People do this all the time. It'll grow back if I don't like it. But what if I look awful? Some people just can't pull it off, I might be one of them! Duh. Just do it. It's not that hard. Just click the button.
I stared at the confirmation screen, suddenly embarrassed that I didn't have the guts to just call the salon in the first place, and had to go through their website to book an appointment. I was embarrassed, and terrified, and excited all at the same time. Why am I so worried about cutting my hair???
I know exactly why. It's because I'm comfortable. I have spent my entire life with long hair. I know exactly what to do with it for date nights, for wedding days, for the lake... usually it ended up in a braid of some kind. That's where my hair has lived since my mom was doing my hair, weaved into a braid to avoid snarly tangles and to keep it out of my face. I find long hair to be beautiful, feminine, sexy, versatile... but I also know short hair is all of those things too. I'm wishing there was an app that I could download to show what I would look like right about now...
A recent video I watched popped into my head. It was the amazingly inspirational video by Prince Ea that everyone should watch. It's one of those videos that pumps you up and makes you feel ready to go out and conquer the world. I love stuff like that. He talks about a study that was done where elderly people were asked to reflect on their regrets... One particular quote stuck out to me:
"They regretted not the things they did, but the things they didn't do, the risks they never took, the dreams they didn't pursue."
Then my phone started ringing. My heart raced again as I stared at the screen, once again having an internal battle of whether this was a good idea or not. You'll regret it if you don't do it. I answered. I confirmed the appointment. I hung up. I looked at the calendar. Damn. It was the day Trever would leave for a conference. Well, I'll have to put my big girl panties on that day. I took a deep breath... I've got this.
You're probably thinking... Jeez, this girl is having way too much anxiety over a stupid haircut. Maybe so. I probably won't be worried about whether or not I cut my hair when I'm on my deathbed, but everyone has fears that they face in their lifetime. I discovered that cutting my hair is one of those fears, and I needed an inspirational video to convince me to do it - don't judge.
Change is hard.
The hairstylist asked what I wanted done, I showed her a few pictures, she asked if I wanted to donate my hair, I said yes, and all the sudden it was gone! Guys, I wasn't in the chair more than 5 minutes and my hair was 12 inches shorter. An hour or so later and 4 or 5 more inches were laying on the floor at my feet and I was looking in the mirror wondering why I was so worked up about getting my hair cut... I looked great, I felt great, and the best part? I didn't cry. Instead, I had a crazy case of perma-grin. I LOVED the change!
I've given it a few weeks, and I still love it - so that's a good sign!! It's been an adjustment learning how to style short hair, but so far I've had no meltdowns ;)
A HUGE thank you to Melinda at Boomswagger Salon for working her magic and keeping me relaxed the whole way through, and to Rebecca Hollis for my lovely new head shots!